“The Puppy Poem” to Pack Alpha with Wolves by Fred Scott
There’s a Setter in your sweater and a Bulldog in your briefs,
there are Boxers in your boxers and they never wanna leave.
There’s a Shih Tzu whose inhabiting your filthy dungarees,
and when you drop your drawers there’s that nasty Bichon Frise.
How ’bout a Schnauzer in your trousers and those Terriers in your togs?
And the baying staying playing’s from a Chinese Crested Dog.
What with foxes in your soxes and the Shar Peis in your shoes,
and that Collie in your collar so you’re never gonna lose.
Know your duds are filled with Pugs, know there’s Chow Chows in your chaps,
and your sportswear’s full of Shorthairs, and there’s Huskies in your hats,
Akitas in your speedos, Springer Spaniels in your spats,
and an Afghan in your caftan, there can’t be too much of that.
When your neck is on the line and the shit has come to pass,
when you realize you’re hurting and you need to fix it fast,
when you’re waiting for a godsend and you want to make it last,
just reach down low, make a fist, and pull puppies from your ass.
From the Ahrimanes Clan Newsletter September 2005.
This is the latest addition to what is used as an Edge in our local VTES playgroup:
It was mercilessly snatched by an elder Methuselah from an innocent child’s hand after opening a Kinder Surprise (egg).
EBay never ceases to amaze me. But maybe the price for the card is only set that high to draw attention to the other auctions … or a typo?!
Proof that trading cards and water don’t mix well:
See also this smoking hot picture.
Back in 2000 (just after the world avoided the disastrous millennium bug), Mike Ooi revealed in the VtES Usenet Newsgroup (if you remember that, you’re ooold) the lost cards with regards to the already extensive animal life in VtES:
Of course, this doesn’t take into account all the _at cards that never made it to print, such as:
Reaction – Auspex
Inf: Reduce the acting minion’s stealth by one
Sup: Reduce the acting minion’s stealth to zero, and if combat occurs, the acting minion’s eardrums bleed for one damage.
Reaction – Obtenebration
Inf: Only usable by a non-blocking minion if the acting minion has been successfully blocked but before combat occurs. Both minions involved in combat go to torpor.
Sup: As above, and the acting minion’s controller must say, “hey Hey HEY! It’s FAT ALBERT!” or lose 3 pool.
“I should have tried Slim-Fast!!!” – Moncada, at the end of Clan
As you see I’m currently in the VtES silly mode:
Take a shot/sip when …
- .. your card gets canceled (DI/Sudden/Wash).
- .. your vote got delayed.
- .. combat is canceled (Mirror Walk, Change of Target, Obedience, ..)
- .. you got bled successfully for more than four.
- .. a minion is burned by Archon Investigation.
- .. you do something else as first activity other than untapping in your untap phase.
- .. you control the Edge and you lose it to your predator (makes the endgame also quicker ..)
- .. your action got blocked by a player other than your prey or predator (undirected action).
- .. your action got blocked by a player other than the target of your action (directed action).
Take two shots/sips when …
- .. someone has to remind you that it’s your turn.
- .. you double your pool (or more) with a single action or a single master card played/used.
- .. a vampire is burned in combat or diablerized.
- .. a minion you don’t control plays Voter Captivation or is refilled with Giants Blood.
- .. you forgot the Edge, Hunting Ground, .. or any other beneficial, but optional effect.
- .. you take pool damage by a political action you’re calling (includes Lutz as your predator, Ancient Influence, etc.)
Take three shots/sips when …
- .. you oust somebody other than your prey (excluding yourself).
- .. your prey is ousted when it’s not your turn (includes Fame, using Enkil Cog, ..).
- .. you diablerize (or otherwise burn) a vampire you control.
Empty the bottle or glass, when
Here’s a reader’s digest of silly rules questions (yes, there a few), that have been asked in the VtES Usenet Newsgroup.
- As all the Daughters of Cacophony are female, may a male vampire Clan Impersonate into that Clan ?
- If my prey has not discarded anything yet, and has Huitzilopochtli in play with 1 blood and a 10 counter Call the Great Beast, can I Temptation him, then add a counter to the Beast, choosing Bardo, Mortis, and… umm… I dunno, Hypothermia? Just to make sure that I don’t accidentally give him a discipline that he can use?7
- Why is it “Rat’s Warning”, but “Cats’ Guidance”; shouldn’t it be “Cat’s Guidance” as well?
- I know it’s of no real importance at all, but it keeps nagging in the back of my head: how do I pronounce “read” in Read Intentions?
- Is the Inner Circle a Circle? It shares the same card text area as the regular BB circles; the only difference is a period.
Here’s an easy template to follow for building fatty decks these days:
- Pick 12 vampires, which ..
- .. have a 8+ capacity,
- .. have a title worth 2 votes or more, and/or
- .. have a cool special (if no votes, the special has to be cool and powerful).
- Build Mastercard section
- Add Actions, but only those an 8+ cap should be doing:
- Add 2 Mind Rape or 10+ Govern if you play Dominate, nothing else matters for Dominate actions.
- Add 2-4 Entrancements for stealing allies if playing Presence. Don’t hesitate to do it crosstable. Either the target is ousted soon or he’s sitting next to you quicker than you think.
- Add Action Modifiers, the necessary evil:
- Add some sort of stealth(ish) cards to your decks (Presence, Thaumaturgy, Obfuscate, Protean, ..), but not too much. Focus on payload, not delivery.
- Have some untap (Freak Drive or Forced March) if possible.
- If Presence is present, add 7 Voter Captivation. If not ask yourself why your vote deck doesn’t pack Presence. Your vampires must have awesome specials.
- Core Business: Politics. Politics can’t be bounced.
- Keep your Reactioncard section slim
- Why bother with reactions? Reaction cards don’t oust. OK, Deflection does, but with the pool gain your deck is sporting, every reaction card is a waste.
- Second Tradition: Domain is somewhat acceptable. See also the comment on Princes and Justicars above.
- Avoid Combat
- Even worse than Reaction cards. If any, stick to Strike: Combat Ends and (preferably) untap.
- Unavoidable Events
Kind of boring ??? It becomes so fast.
After reading the latest VtES tournament report from Stockholm, I was just thinking:
Bad beat stories .. these are not only being told in Poker, but in VtES as well. And the excuses why we lost a game of VtES … I think we heard them all. Here’s a categorized list of the most popular ones …
- The strange excuses:
- My dog ate my deck list, so I couldn’t play the deck based on my brilliant idea.
- I forgot what deck I was playing.
- I played a Nagaraja deck.
- I didn’t bring my lucky pool counters/edge/..
- I had the sun in front and was dazzled by card sleeves’ reflections.
- The technical excuses:
- I didn’t draw the right cards (my key cards) at the right time.
- The table seating was not optimal.
- My star vampire wasn’t in the start crypt.
- My star vampire was Pentex’ed.
- My key card was DIed.
- The social excuses:
- I was backousted.
- My crosstable “buddies” were against me.
- They split the table.
- I was too tired to play well.
- I didn’t want to win ..
- I wanted to try some new deck idea.
- .. and finally, the honest excuses:
- I had no pool left.
- The other played better than I did.
- I suck at this game.
Anything more to add by you, dear readers? Feel free to comment and add yours!
During the Swedish ECQ 2012 tournament last weekend there was a rather funny side bet run by the players. Each player with a Facebook account was free to enter the Apache Jones competition. In order to win this competition, you had to place last in the VtES tournament ahead. And the grand prize was .. to change the name of your Facebook account to Apache Jones .. for at least a week. Which may or may not result in curious questions from friends and coworkers.
P.S.: And the winner (from a starting field of 10+ players) is .. a certain Tomas from Gothenberg playing a Turbo Baron deck. I will say no more!
From a confidential source, it became known to me, that beginning on May 1st the VEKN will introduce a number of new keywords to the VtES rules. This should help speeding up games much, as wording for the effects is more compact. It will also help save valuable space on cards with an otherwise overly long text.
An official statement (by the VEKN rules director) for these rule changes will come up later this week, and the rule changes will be effective on July 1st, 2011 for tournament play.
This is the list of new terms/key words:
- Maneuvercept = for intercept with a maneuver
- Presscept = for intercept with a press
- Preventacept = for intercept with damage prevention
- Stealtheuver = for stealth with a maneuver
- Stealthpress = for stealth with a press
- Stealthvent = for stealth with damage prevention
- Dodgeuver = for maneuver with a dodge
- Presseuver = for maneuver with a press
- Prenteuver = for maneuver with prevent
- Pressvent = for prevent with a press
- Dodgeress = for dodge with a press
- Stealthtap = for stealth with a tapping effects (e.g. Faceless Night)
- Addodge = dodge with an additional strike
Cardtext for cards affected by the change, e.g. Hidden Strength or Quicken Sight will be updated on VEKN website (and the CSV file) at the end of the month. The cards of the upcoming new VtES expansion will already reflect the changes in using these keywords extensively.
If you think, there’s more terms that can be used in a similar fashion, please feel free to make a comment here or open up a new thread at VEKN.net.
P.S.: Wall of Text is actually a mocking term indicating that a card (or rule) suffers from having too much text, making it unnecessarily hard to comprehend(for example, when an another player doesn’t know the card or rule).
Inspired by a similar custom card for MtG. No, this will not be a part of the upcoming PDF edition for VtES.
After the rule changes in the Rules Team Rulings from December 2nd, 2011, Minion Tap is actually playable again in VEKN sanctioned tournaments from now on.
Hurray, Minion Tap is back … oh, wait .. you’re not talking about us?
Chiropteran Marauder .. or not .. yet.
Some Antediluvians discussing the origins of vampires:
Malkav: Ooo! Ooo! I’ve got an idea!
Malkav: Ooo! Ooo! We’re ALL … aliens! Yeah! From the planet … Yuggoth!
Brujah: Drop dead. (silence)
Malkav: Ain’t it just too bad you don’t have Dominate?
Brujah: Real men don’t need Dominate! (THUD)
Reference: The Real Story