“The Puppy Poem” to Pack Alpha with Wolves by Fred Scott
There’s a Setter in your sweater and a Bulldog in your briefs,
there are Boxers in your boxers and they never wanna leave.
There’s a Shih Tzu whose inhabiting your filthy dungarees,
and when you drop your drawers there’s that nasty Bichon Frise.
How ’bout a Schnauzer in your trousers and those Terriers in your togs?
And the baying staying playing’s from a Chinese Crested Dog.
What with foxes in your soxes and the Shar Peis in your shoes,
and that Collie in your collar so you’re never gonna lose.
Know your duds are filled with Pugs, know there’s Chow Chows in your chaps,
and your sportswear’s full of Shorthairs, and there’s Huskies in your hats,
Akitas in your speedos, Springer Spaniels in your spats,
and an Afghan in your caftan, there can’t be too much of that.
When your neck is on the line and the shit has come to pass,
when you realize you’re hurting and you need to fix it fast,
when you’re waiting for a godsend and you want to make it last,
just reach down low, make a fist, and pull puppies from your ass.
From the Ahrimanes Clan Newsletter September 2005.
Currently I am (back) on a weekly schedule to update the VTES Clan Newsletter Archive , that is each weekend I am uploading the clan newsletters for a particular month (e.g. January 2005 during this weekend). Two weeks ago, I finished uploading and editing (most of) the VTES Clan Newsletters that have been published on rec.games.trading-card.jyhad in the 2004. From January to December 2004 there were 100 clan newsletters published in total.
- January 2004 — 9 issues
- February 2004 — 9 issues
- March 2004 — 9 issues
- April 2004 — 11 issues
- May 2004 — 10 issues
- June 2004 — 9 issues
- July 2004 — 10 issues
- August 2004 — 6 issues
- September 2004 — 9 issues
- October 2004 — 4 issues
- November 2004 — 7 issues
- December 2004 — 7 issues
The were a couple of exciting events in 2004 with regards to VTES, both the Gehenna expansion (May 17th) and the Tenth Anniversary (Dec. 13th) were published. In addition in 2004, the Prophecies V:TES League (a series of VTES games with varying rules) was played around the globe.
Here are some highlights of 2004 with regards to VTES and the Clan Newsletters:
- Official V:EKN Caitiff Newsletter February 2004 — the Caitiffs are always somewhat fun to read .. this is one example ..
- Official VEKN Followers of Set Newsletter Vol. 3 Issue 11, February 2004 — Strategy — Dealing with incompetent players
- Assamite Clan Newsletter Vol. 4 Issue 3, March 2004 — Sorcerers Of Alamut — Thaumaturgy and Assamites
- V:EKN Official Tremere Newsletter, April 2004 — Strategy Discussion — CEL/THA combat
- Official V:EKN Tzimisce Newsletter May 2004 — Strategy — Lean Pink Killing-machine — shows how to build a proper war ghoul deck.
- Followers of Set Newsletter Vol. 5 Issue 1, May 2004 — Strategy: Effect vs. Text — details that certain cards have greater effects on the game than just their card text.
- Assamite Clan Newsletter Vol. 4 Issue 5, May 2004 — Short Chain Combat — shows the application of this concept for the Assamites
- VEKN Brujah Newsletter July 2004 — Card of the Month: Brujah Debate — discusses not only the card effects, but how to build an entire deck around the card.
- V:EKN Official Tremere Newsletter, July 2004 — Strategy Discussion — Rush Combat — gives advice on building a Tremere Rush Combat deck.
- The Stone Circle Vol 6, September 2004 — Gargoyle Recipe — apart from a Gargoyle haiku this newsletter also contains an actual cooking recipe.
- Assamite Clan Newsletter Vol. 4 Issue 10, October 2004 — Pretending, And Preys Who Sit — details what you can when you’re playing a rush combat deck and your prey isn’t influencing minions out.
This is the link to the complete list of newsletters for the year 2004
Bonus Question: What newsletter contains the following quote (the rest of said newsletter is of similar quality!):
“This newsletter is best read whilst listening to the volatile ravings of Margaret Thatcher, George Bush and Idi Amin. If these luminaries are your heroes, then you’re reading the right newsletter.“
Last Friday I finished uploading and editing (most of) the VTES Clan Newsletters that have been published on rec.games.trading-card.jyhad in the second half of 2001. Usually I only do these update posts for a whole year, but 2001 was the year with the largest amount of clan newsletters. From July to December 2001 there were 80 clan newsletters published in total (and 20 in December alone!).
- July 2001 — 9 issues
- August 2001 — 10 issues
- September 2001 — 12 issues
- October 2001 — 14 issues
- November 2001 — 15 issues
- December 2001 — 20 issues
The biggest topic in these clan newsletter was the release of the Final Nights expansion (on 11. June 2001) while the release of the Bloodline expansion in December 2001 impacted the clan newsletters only in early 2002. Here are some highlights of the second half of 2001 with regards to VTES and the Clan Newsletters:
This is the link to the complete list of newsletters for the year 2001
Yesterday I finished uploading and editing (most of) the VTES Clan Newsletters that have been published on rec.games.trading-card.jyhad in the first half of 2001. Usually I only do these update posts for a whole year, but 2001 was the year with the largest amount of clan newsletters. From January to June there were 61 clan newsletters in total, although I haven’t edited & uploaded them all (yet). The reason is that some of the newsletter are very time consuming to update, some because they contain tables, some because their formatting is really skewed.
- January 2001 — 11 issues
- February 2001 — 11 issues
- March 2001 — 12 issues
- April 2001 — 6 issues
- May 2001 — 6 issues
- June 2001 — 15 issues
Here are some highlights of the year 2001 with regards to VTES and the Clan Newsletters:
This is the link to the complete list of newsletters for the 2001
This weekend I finished uploading and editing the VTES Clan Newsletters that have been published on rec.games.trading-card.jyhad in the year 2000. In total there a 63 newsletters written by a number of VTES players in that year. In 2000, the idea of VTES Clan Newsletters took off, when in late 2000 the number of Clan Newsletter suddenly jumped up to around 10 different issues per month (and it stayed there for quite a while).
Here are some highlights of the year 2000 with regards to VTES and the Clan Newsletters.
- The most significant event was the rebirth of VTES, as White Wolf published the Sabbat War expansion on October 31st, 2000. The Tzimisce Clan Newsletter September 2000 got an exclusive preview of Sascha Vykos.
- Legbiter presented the concept of Happy Families in the Gangrel antitribu Newsletter of January 2000. Basically Happy Families is a deck-constructing formula that aims to build a flexible playable deck around a given selection of vampires. Very soon after a number of programs and online tools popped up, and to this day deck building tools like ARDB and Secret Library have build-in-support for this concept.
- And finally, the Malkavians had their say about the Olympic Games 2000, and how they should look like.
This is the link to the complete list of newsletters for 2000
And the same by clan:
This week I finished uploading and editing the VTES Clan Newsletters that have been published on rec.games.trading-card.jyhad in 1999. In total there a 76 newsletters written by a number of VTES players in that year.
It’s quite interesting to see how deck building has evolved over the years. These rather old decks often feature a number of discipline cards and include cards that are deemed too weak these days. But maybe this is because nowadays the players have access to a wider selection of crypt cards (so it’s easier to satisfy discipline requirements) and now there’s a better understanding about cards and their effectiveness in general.
On the other hand, you see some concepts in deckbuilding that only much much later got their breakthrough. For example, the Gangrel Clan Newsletter September 1999 already has the basic concept for the Psyche!/Earth Meld deck, that around 2012 with Enkidu as its star vampire took really off.
This is the link to the complete list of newsletters for 1999
And the same by clan:
Last week I finished uploading and editing the VTES Clan Newsletters that have been published on rec.games.trading-card.jyhad in 1998. In total there a 49 newsletters written by a number of VTES players in that year, but the most interesting one (at least from visual point of view) is the 8991 rebmeceD rettelsweN naivaklaM NKE:V. You can already image why …
This is the link to the complete list of newsletters for 1998
And the same by clan:
Lately, there was an inquiry on Facebook (can’t remember if it was VTES Brazil or VTES World) about a comprehensive list of past VTES Clan Newsletter. But apparently there isn’t anymore directly accessible with the demise of The Lasombra’s VTES website (and the Clan Newsletter Archive) at the end of 2015 .. or at least they’re not easy to locate. There a few websites where you can find the newsletters though, namely
What are the VTES Clan Newsletter? The Clan Newsletter were posts on in the Usenet Newsgroup rec.games.trading-cards.jyhad (now archived on Google Groups rec.games.trading-cards.jyhad) each dealing with a specific vampire clan and topics relevant for playing that clan. Typical topics included:
- Vampire Fiction
- Deck Designs
- Clan Strategy
- Discipline Overviews
- Card Overviews
The first clan newsletter appeared in 1998, and after a short while quite a number of clan newsletters appeared every month in the newsgroup. As you see in this article on the publication frequency, the heydays of the clan newsletters were the years 2001 to 2004 with an average of 7 or more clan newsletters each month. The last (so far!) Clan Newsletter has been published in April 2010.
To bring back the glory of the old times, I have started the blog VTES Clan Newsletter Archive, which is intended for republishing the VTES Clan Newsletters which were posted in the Usenet Newsgroup in chronological order. This is an ongoing effort, and will not be done in a month or two, also because I’m also reformatting the newsletter a little bit for easier readability. The Lasombra had an astonishing 861 Clan Newsletters archived (if I have counted correctly), and currently I have cleaned up and reformatted about 25 old clan newsletters, which is less than 3% of the overall number. So you can see the enormity of the task.