“The Puppy Poem” to Pack Alpha with Wolves by Fred Scott
There’s a Setter in your sweater and a Bulldog in your briefs,
there are Boxers in your boxers and they never wanna leave.
There’s a Shih Tzu whose inhabiting your filthy dungarees,
and when you drop your drawers there’s that nasty Bichon Frise.
How ’bout a Schnauzer in your trousers and those Terriers in your togs?
And the baying staying playing’s from a Chinese Crested Dog.
What with foxes in your soxes and the Shar Peis in your shoes,
and that Collie in your collar so you’re never gonna lose.
Know your duds are filled with Pugs, know there’s Chow Chows in your chaps,
and your sportswear’s full of Shorthairs, and there’s Huskies in your hats,
Akitas in your speedos, Springer Spaniels in your spats,
and an Afghan in your caftan, there can’t be too much of that.
When your neck is on the line and the shit has come to pass,
when you realize you’re hurting and you need to fix it fast,
when you’re waiting for a godsend and you want to make it last,
just reach down low, make a fist, and pull puppies from your ass.
From the Ahrimanes Clan Newsletter September 2005.
This is the latest addition to what is used as an Edge in our local VTES playgroup:
It was mercilessly snatched by an elder Methuselah from an innocent child’s hand after opening a Kinder Surprise (egg).
EBay never ceases to amaze me. But maybe the price for the card is only set that high to draw attention to the other auctions … or a typo?!
Proof that trading cards and water don’t mix well:
See also this smoking hot picture.
Back in 2000 (just after the world avoided the disastrous millennium bug), Mike Ooi revealed in the VtES Usenet Newsgroup (if you remember that, you’re ooold) the lost cards with regards to the already extensive animal life in VtES:
Of course, this doesn’t take into account all the _at cards that never made it to print, such as:
Reaction – Auspex
Inf: Reduce the acting minion’s stealth by one
Sup: Reduce the acting minion’s stealth to zero, and if combat occurs, the acting minion’s eardrums bleed for one damage.
Reaction – Obtenebration
Inf: Only usable by a non-blocking minion if the acting minion has been successfully blocked but before combat occurs. Both minions involved in combat go to torpor.
Sup: As above, and the acting minion’s controller must say, “hey Hey HEY! It’s FAT ALBERT!” or lose 3 pool.
“I should have tried Slim-Fast!!!” – Moncada, at the end of Clan
As you see I’m currently in the VtES silly mode:
Take a shot/sip when …
- .. your card gets canceled (DI/Sudden/Wash).
- .. your vote got delayed.
- .. combat is canceled (Mirror Walk, Change of Target, Obedience, ..)
- .. you got bled successfully for more than four.
- .. a minion is burned by Archon Investigation.
- .. you do something else as first activity other than untapping in your untap phase.
- .. you control the Edge and you lose it to your predator (makes the endgame also quicker ..)
- .. your action got blocked by a player other than your prey or predator (undirected action).
- .. your action got blocked by a player other than the target of your action (directed action).
Take two shots/sips when …
- .. someone has to remind you that it’s your turn.
- .. you double your pool (or more) with a single action or a single master card played/used.
- .. a vampire is burned in combat or diablerized.
- .. a minion you don’t control plays Voter Captivation or is refilled with Giants Blood.
- .. you forgot the Edge, Hunting Ground, .. or any other beneficial, but optional effect.
- .. you take pool damage by a political action you’re calling (includes Lutz as your predator, Ancient Influence, etc.)
Take three shots/sips when …
- .. you oust somebody other than your prey (excluding yourself).
- .. your prey is ousted when it’s not your turn (includes Fame, using Enkil Cog, ..).
- .. you diablerize (or otherwise burn) a vampire you control.
Empty the bottle or glass, when
Here’s a reader’s digest of silly rules questions (yes, there a few), that have been asked in the VtES Usenet Newsgroup.
- As all the Daughters of Cacophony are female, may a male vampire Clan Impersonate into that Clan ?
- If my prey has not discarded anything yet, and has Huitzilopochtli in play with 1 blood and a 10 counter Call the Great Beast, can I Temptation him, then add a counter to the Beast, choosing Bardo, Mortis, and… umm… I dunno, Hypothermia? Just to make sure that I don’t accidentally give him a discipline that he can use?7
- Why is it “Rat’s Warning”, but “Cats’ Guidance”; shouldn’t it be “Cat’s Guidance” as well?
- I know it’s of no real importance at all, but it keeps nagging in the back of my head: how do I pronounce “read” in Read Intentions?
- Is the Inner Circle a Circle? It shares the same card text area as the regular BB circles; the only difference is a period.
Here’s an easy template to follow for building fatty decks these days:
- Pick 12 vampires, which ..
- .. have a 8+ capacity,
- .. have a title worth 2 votes or more, and/or
- .. have a cool special (if no votes, the special has to be cool and powerful).
- Build Mastercard section
- Add Actions, but only those an 8+ cap should be doing:
- Add 2 Mind Rape or 10+ Govern if you play Dominate, nothing else matters for Dominate actions.
- Add 2-4 Entrancements for stealing allies if playing Presence. Don’t hesitate to do it crosstable. Either the target is ousted soon or he’s sitting next to you quicker than you think.
- Add Action Modifiers, the necessary evil:
- Add some sort of stealth(ish) cards to your decks (Presence, Thaumaturgy, Obfuscate, Protean, ..), but not too much. Focus on payload, not delivery.
- Have some untap (Freak Drive or Forced March) if possible.
- If Presence is present, add 7 Voter Captivation. If not ask yourself why your vote deck doesn’t pack Presence. Your vampires must have awesome specials.
- Core Business: Politics. Politics can’t be bounced.
- Keep your Reactioncard section slim
- Why bother with reactions? Reaction cards don’t oust. OK, Deflection does, but with the pool gain your deck is sporting, every reaction card is a waste.
- Second Tradition: Domain is somewhat acceptable. See also the comment on Princes and Justicars above.
- Avoid Combat
- Even worse than Reaction cards. If any, stick to Strike: Combat Ends and (preferably) untap.
- Unavoidable Events
Kind of boring ??? It becomes so fast.